Way too often, people get entangled in what does not contribute towards improving their overall wellbeing, albeit, unconsciously. However, in some cases, these choices are deliberate, although, probably without an initial indept understanding of the negative implications towards their own destiny.
In several occasions, people make such comments like "I just want to get married"; "I'm getting too old"; "all my mates are marrying"; " my parents are on my neck to get married"; " I need a relationship" and similar statements that only pressure people, especially ladies into unassessed relationships, usually resulting in marriages of convenience and the usual abuse inherent in such relationships. And when they do, factors such as skewed cultural cum religious interpretations seem to tie down these people in these marriages of convenience. The abuse is thus kept secret and the victims advised to "handle" it, ostensibly to avoid certain interpretations and the attendant stigmatization in the society. Make no mistake about this. Don't get it twisted. Both genders suffer this, but that of the female appear to be more pronounced, and perhaps, more regular, particularly, in the African system.
Several factors go to contribute to the inability of two adults who are in a relationship to maintain peaceful coexistence. Although some persons cite spiritual inconsistencies in consonance with our usual" religiosity", as the major culprit, I prefer to blame it on lack of wisdom, knowledge and understanding from both parties. Factors such as temperament, depression, chauvinism and ego to mention a few are issues that often crop up in relationships, which can be addressed on the alter of wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, if both adults resolve to.
Talking about male chauvinism, the African culture seem to have made the female gender a subservient one. Thus, the male must lord it over the female. This has remained even till the present day, probably with some minor shifts. Apparently, this has given rise to or contributed to the proliferation feminist movements and push for the right of women and the girl child. Although a phenomenon believed to be as old as history, domestic violence, especially against the female folk seem to be prevalent in today's world.
And so, a good place to start in addressing this hydra-headed monster is to check male chauvinism in our society. The male folk must be made to understand what it means to be a man. It definitely has nothing to do with battering. Within the religious circle, people must be thought the imperatives of fulfilling destiny and the need not to truncate such on the alter of unexamined relationships. And the society must stop demonizing people who have made a decision, albeit, not a popular one so as to remain alive.
In recent times, the social media space has been agog over the unfortunate demise of a Nigerian female gospel artist. One, whose angelic voice and ministration, especially in igbo language, endeared her to many, with several aggrieved persons blaming the incident on alleged abusive relationship. Although the dead does not speak, the living must learn some lessons. It goes without saying that in all you do, strive to remain alive, notwithstanding what society or religion may say.
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